explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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