The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
