If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
