Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
