yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
