READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
birth control should be required to get into college
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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