Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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