So drunk its hurt
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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