and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize