After last night, I could never be a politician.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
