So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
