I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you didnt know i had herpes?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I didn't notice because vodka
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
