Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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