Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize