I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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