Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
