He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
