stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
So many bounce houses so little time
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
