Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
