3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
