The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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