so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I won't apologize to a one balled man
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You left your phone here
Wait...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
