Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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