i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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