She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
