I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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