did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
