Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
