I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
