Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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