I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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