You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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