she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Oh god it's open bar.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
