I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
