would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
