some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
