I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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