Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
