True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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