please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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