don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
