I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
