The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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