you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
