just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
