dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
