Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
