____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
