he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
