Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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