We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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