Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
