six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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