Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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