Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize