You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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