At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
