Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
