you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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