and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If I die, sorry about rent.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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