Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
