You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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