Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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