I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
