I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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