My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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