So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
It's never too late to be topless.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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