She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
