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• (705): View more from Ontario

  Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?

  (1-705): View more from Ontario

  That would be awkward if he commented on your status

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• (806): View more from Texas

  Jesus knows you're telling a lie.

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.

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• (315): View more from New York

  He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?

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• (214): View more from Texas

  Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.

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• (952): View more from Minnesota

  OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'

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• (818): View more from California

  im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds

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