why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
