If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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