You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
