corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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